I found love in a hopeless place

Sometimes something touches your heart quite unexpectedly and brings a memory spinning sharply into focus.
As I sat in a dedication service today I didn't expect to be transported back almost nine years to a moment of heartache, of fear and yet one of love, of finding love in a hopeless place. But as a poem was read out entitled Little Wishes by Cassara Nance there I was back at the side of an incubator... Perhaps I should start at the beginning.... All was well, after several years of trying and various investigations, we fell pregnant after the first course of treatment, at last the baby I longed for was to be a reality and not just a dream. The pregnancy went well, and just a week late labour finally started, the contractions were constant a minute and a half in between right from the start. Then 7 hours later things began to go badly wrong, I developed severe pre-eclampsia, my blood pressure rocketed and the baby was struggling, the baby was distressed but as
no theatre was available we had to wait.
Rebecca Grace was finally born by c-section at 4am and all was not well, She had inhaled the meconium and she was fighting for her life, at 10 minutes her apgar score was 1 - her heart was beating but things were not looking good, seriously ill I could not even touch my baby and Keith feared he was going to lose us both.
The doctors started making phone calls, and so did we, people started praying. Several hours later we were told she was to be flown to Newcastle the nearest bed for a lung bypass, but the consultants then decided she would not survive the flight and instead called staff off leave and made a bed with spare parts in Great Ormand Street Hosptial. And so just 12 hours after her birth she was transferred, I didn't get to say goodbye I was too unwell to go to her, she was to unwell to come to me. But she didn't go alone, she was in God's hands, we tried to pray but wept instead, but others stood in the gap, all over the country and around the world people prayed - they prayed the prayers we couldn't speak. They pleaded, they cried, they begged and they shouted and God who is big enough to take their anger and see their broken hearts responded, He intervened and Rebecca started to stabilise, she began to rally, to fight.It was two more days before I was allowed to join her, to sit by her incubator. Swollen, black and blue and under complete sedation I could only stroke her hand and talk to her. It was touch and go, her prospects weren't great, but as I sat by her I was overwhelmed by love, and I knew if someone were to offer me a trade, another healthy baby for this one struggling to hold on to life my answer would be a resounding no! I knew that Rebecca might have difficulties should she come through this, but I knew that there was nothing that we couldn't handle, and I began to pray, to find the words, to have hope.Many people describe faith as a crutch, as a comfort, but as much as faith can be a comfort it is also about trust, about obedience. On the day Rebecca should have finally woken up my faith was tested. She didn't wake up, there was a small chance that her liver had failed to remove all of the sedative and that a test to determine this would be done but not till later in the day. I sat alone in the park weeping and knew I had a choice, it wasn't a time to bargain with God, it was time to choose, would I follow Him whatever happened, if God was to take her would I walk away? In the midst of the tears, the heartbreak came a certainty, whatever the outcome I had given my life to God, I wouldn't take it back. And there in the park, in the midst of hopelessness I knew God's love surround me and peace came. I walked back to the ward, the Dr did her test - the drugs were still present. The next day Rebecca woke up and began a long journey back to health.God intervened and saved Rebecca. Today is her ninth birthday, she has difficulties but you know I'll take a dodgy memory and rejoice in how far we have come.

And so as I listened to this poem my arm around my beautiful girl, I wept, because sometimes wishes do come true.
Little Wishes
Little wishes on great big stars.
Daughter, I make a wish for you.
Keep on growing and keep on smiling.
And I'll keep loving all that you do.

Little dreamers wishing big things.
The world is your stage to display.
You can sing and you can dance.
Enjoy all that comes your way.

Little hopes in a great big world.
Nothing can stop your free spirit.
Make some noise, play a beat.
It's beautiful music when I hear it.

Little kisses from my now big girl,
You're growing up so fast it seems.
Pretty soon you'll leave the nest
And fly after all of your dreams.

Little girl I love you,
And I love you even more.
Because I made a wish once,

And you're what I wished for.

Life from the back of the pack : ever make one of these?

One of the National trust properties we visited had a working loom - not totally sure Rebecca was meant to be on it! But it inspired her...

So when we got home we made one!

 

She hadn't quite worked out that we would remove the fabric - she thought it was the roof! But after some persuasion she let me take the finished fabric off!

A little bit wonky but I love it! And it is now a blanket for her toy rabbit. I'm fairly sure she is going to like her birthday present - any guesses?

 

Life from the back of the pack: Grafham Water

Oops I forgot to post this one -

I love sunny winter days, with blue sky, fluffy white sunshine and a touch of warmth that makes me look forward to spring and after what seems like weeks of rain today's sunshine was more than welcome, so we continued with our exploration of the area.

Grafham water is a reservoir about half an hour from us and a great find. We had taken the girls scooters, and although some of the paths were a little rough they had great fun scooting through puddles!

It was a fun afternoon and a beautiful evening!

 

Life from the back of the pack: Bobs a Goldfish and Toms a toad

So the May weekend found us back at Sizewell, a walled garden campsite on the grounds of a conference centre, and for those who might find the name familiar half a mile from a nuclear power station!

The children love being with the other kids, but most of all the freedom that camping gives them! With a play park close by and plenty of space for bike riding they are in their element. There is also a pond full of newts just waiting to be caught! On Sunday cries of snake snake were greeted with yeah right, till they arrived back with one disgruntled grass snake in their nets!

He was safely returned to the pond and we set off for a stroll along the beach for ice - cream! Only to spot an adder! So never seen a snake in the wild in 45 years then 2 in one day!

Most days were leisurely, time for reading, knitting, sewing while the kids get time to be just kids! Especially when the sun shines!

But we did manage to get out a couple of times....

Ok so it was windy and I look like I'm wearing a wig! But boating on the lake at Thorpeness was fun, it was too windy to take them kayaking but they did have a go at rowing!

Picnicking at Warbleswick!

Any guesses what they are up to here?

 

Need a clue?

Crabbing!!

We had often seen people crabbing at Warbleswick so thought it might be fun to take the kids, and bizarrely they loved it - we were bored long before they were! Though you have to wonder why the crabs haven't got wise yet!

We headed off eventually for a stroll on the beach!

And some stone surfing!

On the days we stayed at camp we did get down to the beach, even on a windy, cloudy day the girls loved chasing the waves, filling their wellies with water! And when the sun shone they even managed a quick paddle!

Camp wouldn't be complete without an evening spent round the fire, singing crazy songs ... Tom the toad, funky chicken, star of the evening added to this year by Bob!

Hi I'm Bob I'm a goldfish and a goldfish has a memory of ... Hi I'm Bob I'm a goldfish and a goldfish has a memory of ... Hi I'm Bob you get the gist I'm sure! Thanks for that one Jodie!!

Toasting marshmallows for smores!

This year Martin set a treasure hunt for the kids on the last night and while they were off hunting clues we went and set another bonfire for them, it was such a lovely way to end the week, singing frozen round the fire!

The thing that has struck me looking back on our week is that the kids had an amazing time doing what kids have always done. Riding their bikes, playing in a pond, playing at the park, exploring the woods, crabbing, singing mad songs round a fire! It's just that they don't get to do these things at home much, they are constrained by the society that we live in that makes it unsafe to let them have their freedom. They are the things I did as a child and camps like Sizewell help keep these things alive, and that why we put up with the cold and the rain in a soggy tents because these are memories that they will treasure!

 

Scrap It!

So I have been asked if the blog could facilitate a monthly crop .... For those uninitiated we are talking scrapbooking .... Still none the wiser??

A scrap book page is a sheet of paper that uses pictures, words, ribbons, stickers, tokens to capture a moment and tell a story.

So here's the challenge! I will set a topic at the beginning of the month you make a page over the month, take a photo and e-mail it to sutarring@hotmail.co.uk I will then blog them so we can all enjoy them and learn from each other? You can also e-mail me suggestions for a challenge!

Never scrap booked before? But up for the challenge?

There are techniques but the way I see it if you are using this medium to tell your story then you it's your page and how you do it is up to you.

But to get you started here are a few tips:

Decide which images you want to use.

Choose a piece of paper to be your background, this can be A4, 12x12 inch, 8x8 inch or 6x6 inch.

Collect any items that will add to or decorate your page

Decide on a title

You may know what journaling you want to do already, this can be simple date, place people or it can be a piece of writting that tells the story, a poem or a song. Sometimes it is easier to write your journaling once the page comes together.

Now play with it, try the items in different arrangements until you are happy then stick it all together!

Alternatively why not create an digital scrapbook, you can download a simple programme for free from

http://www.serif.com/digital-scrapbooking/ it will give you instructions ideas and some free kits to play with!

 

So here's the challenge for June..... (An easy one to get us started!)

" Water"

How you interpret this is up to you, the only rule is have fun oh and

don't forget to e-mail your pic!

Happy Scrapping!!

 

Life from the back of the pack : Brownies friend to animals badge

The girls were unable to go to the Brownies zoo trip, so to complete their friend to animals badge the had a number of tasks to do, one of which was to make a book about animals for a child.

I thought initially that we would staple some A4 paper together but I found these lovely sketchbooks at hobbycraft for £1.

Websites aimed at teachers are often a good source of ideas and materials, the animal pictures we used are from a site called, "primary treasure chest" , if you are looking for printable resources it is definatly worth having a look.

To speed up the process a little I produced a information sheet for each animal - I live, I eat, my young are called... Rebecca chose African animals and Sophie pets. We then used google to fill in the sheets for each animal.

We then used some of the resources to create a game, Sophie's was a simple counting game, Rebecca's was made by folding the flash card so only a portion of the animal was visible, they then had to guess the animal.

 

 

They had a few pages left so the drew a picture of their favourite animal and left space for the recipient to add their favourite animal.

 

They worked on it all week, tv was forgotten and they simply sat sticking and writing it was a brilliant project - though the books are safely stashed in their bedrooms rather than being given to a child!!